Art is in my blood.
I've been fascinated, entranced, bewitched by all things art for as long as I can remember.
When I write, I am trying to paint, but with words.
My favorite quote? "Each day is a blank canvas." I don't know who said it first. If you do, please tell me.
I love color; loud, vibrant, playfulness. I also love the dark & creepy, and the avant garde.
When I close my eyes to sleep at night, I'm often picturing the way paint mushes together.
My canvas art often makes several transformations before coming to its final resting place.
In the first layer of this painting, there is a philosophical question. In the second layer, rain and curved lines. The third layer, the form of a naked woman. The final layer, a lotus at sunrise.
This piece is most dear to me of all my work. I painted over the course of four years, through a time of great trial in my life.
I was in a constant battle with myself because I had faced many traumatic experiences throughout my life: childhood sexual abuse by my grandfather, coupled with regular verbal, physical, and emotional abuse by people very close to me who were suffering with their own demons. Drugs temporarily relieved me from my feelings of overwhelming anxiety, never feeling good enough, believing that everyone hated me, and I would never amount to anything. Drugs allowed me to step outside myself, and not feel like me. Eventually, the intensity of my emotions, the drug induced manic-depressive moods, and the unstable relationships became too much for me to handle and I attempted suicide with an overdose of amitriptyline. I was almost successful when good friend found me and called an ambulance. They couldn't pump my stomach as the drug had been in my system too long by the time I was brought in. They told me in it was a miracle I was still alive and somehow, had no negative side effects from the overdose. I wouldn't let anyone come see me and I did not give the hospital consent to call my family. This was something I wanted to have peace and privacy to heal.
I finally got the help I desperately needed from that third, and final suicide attempt. I say final because I promised myself I would never again try to kill myself.
I decided my life and death were not my choice to make, so I better become somebody I could love in the meantime and figure out what it is I am supposed to make of this life and how I can help others who have been faced with similar challenges. It was after this experience that I knew I wanted to start a charity devoted to mental health and addictions research, and awareness. This is where our "Down with the Stigma" program idea was born.
When I left the hospital three days later and returned home I made a cup of tea. A cup of tea never tasted so good to me. I guzzled it down. I immediately made another cup.
Then I saw I a lotus amidst the rain and the curved lines.
The symbolism of the lotus is rebirth, and regeneration.
To this day, I am always fascinated by the fact that when I just let go and allow myself to flow without my mind (ego) interfering, that I am always so much more at peace with my work and the final product (and life in general).
The philosophical question, the struggle of the mind to make sense of its awareness.
The rain, washing away the mask.
The naked bodice, coming clean, and the naked truth.
The lotus, re-birth, and regeneration.
Through yoga, meditation, mindfulness, and surrounding myself with loving people I have been able to overcome obstacles I never thought possible. I believe through rightness of mind, all things are possible for all persons.
My mantra: "I am ready to give and receive the gifts of the universe."